David Roche has said he had to go into therapy after his Western States dream turned into a nightmare.
But the coach-turned-competitor says he came through the harrowing experience – which saw him fail to finish the tough 100-miler after feeling like “a patient in a coma” – as a much better person.
And Roche revealed the heartwarming moment spectators saw him clearly in distress, and tried to lift him.
In a brutally honest and incredibly human YouTube video outlining his experience, Roche describes meeting his wife Megan at Foresthill aid station 62 miles into the course and confessing to her at the time: “I’m scared. I know that sounds crazy.”
Captured on film by a cameraman who accompanied him for parts of the run, Roche decides to give it another shot, and spotting he needed support, the crowd on the course roar and cheer him on, chanting his name for over a minute in deeply emotional scenes.
Roche said: “I don’t even remember this but Megan showed me a video of people chanting my name, and it’s like: ‘Yeah… they were there!”
“Proud of me”
Roche chokes back tears as he tells of the experience, saying: “I promised I wouldn’t get emotional talking about this. I thought I had processed it.
“A lot of the people chanting my name messaged to say they love me and they’re proud of me. I’d like to think they’re proud of me for sharing this story too.
“I desperately wanted to drop right then and there. But I got out. So we run down Foresthill. But I’m checked out and as soon as I see a steep downhill I can’t do it. I was mentally gone.”
“Unfounded health fears”
Roche began hyper-ventillating and admits he felt like he was having a panic attack before he was forced to quit the race.
He believes his failure to process his near-death experience last year – when he was hit by a car and thrown 100 feet into a fence – contributed to his breakdown.
And shortly after the race, Roche posted on Instagram about “unfounded health fears that I need to work through with a psychologist and possibly an exorcist.”
In the video, shot a few days after the race, he admits to still feeling “shame and embarrassment”, reveals he needs therapy, and says he hopes that by releasing the video, “seeing someone be vulnerable helped you in some way.”
“Therapy comes next”
But Roche definitely seems to have emerged from his ordeal a stronger person – and manages to end the video on a positive note as he looks to the future.
Roche said: “Moving forward, I hope to still tell human stories. What comes next? Therapy comes next. Learning about how my accident affected me. Athletically I just want to go back out there and walk my way to finish lines if I have to.
“In a year’s time I hope I’m sitting right here talking about a race where I saw the edge, I saw those fears, gave them a big old hug like those hugs I felt from everyone at Forest Hill, and I say: ‘Let’s shoot our shot. Even if some failure is waiting on the other end.”
You can bet that Roche, who bounced back from his accident last year with a record-breaking run at the Leadville 100, will not let this latest setback stop him.
And as he thanked the many fans who have reached out to him after Western States, he said: “I am feeling better now. But if you are out there and you feel shame or embarrassment, know that you are not alone.
“Such scary places”
“In the weeks since the race, I have received hundreds of beautiful stories messages from people sharing their stories. Most of those stories are not about sports.
“Almost every human is carrying around regrets. If that’s you – we see you and we love you. Try to forgive yourself.”
Roche, who has two kids, Leo and Ollie, added: “I’ve started therapy to see why my brain went to such scary places. I’m starting to see how I never fully processed the bike crash and what it means to be a Dad to two kids who I love so much.”
